77 Days: The Voice
Voters may simply elect the candidate whose 'voice' is music to their ears
On Monday nights, I volunteer at my church’s bingo. I typically spend half my night “calling” bingo games.
Many of the players, typically women 10 to 20 years older than me, will ask me when I’m going to call, or tell me I’m a better caller than my other counterparts.
It’s flattering, yes, but I also know maybe half of them are full of shit.
Since I was in my early twenties, particularly when I was working in retail, I would be told by customers, “You’ve got a great voice. You should be on the radio.”
Nowadays, I kind of am, by hosting a podcast, TheBrianLennonShow, which you hopefully listen to, in addition to reading the pieces I write.
My point is, some people have a nice, pleasing voice.
Some voices are distinctive — think of the late Gilbert Gottfried — as not one you’d particularly want to hear repeatedly or for any particular duration of time. I can barely make it through The Lion King.1
Meanwhile others, I immediately think of former Tonight Show host, Johnny Carson, or former ESPN SportsCenter anchor and radio host, Dan Patrick, as having a voice that could be described as “dulcet tones.”
Their voices are non-invasive. It is pleasant to listen to, whether you’re nodding off to sleep for the night, or listening to a 3-hour radio program in your office cubicle.
Why are you talking about “voice” in a story filed under Election ‘24, you ask?
Enter Kamala Harris.
Kamala Harris has a distinct voice. I, for one, also find it irritating.
It might be combined equal-parts of her voice, and her specific speaking style, which I dare say, can come across as patronizing.
Harris is not known as a particularly gifted orator. When it comes to speaking, she is known more for her tossing of “word salad” than the touch of her “velvet tongue.”
Harris’ voice is parts Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, nasally and high-pitched. It comes from somewhere near the back of the roof of her mouth.
It is jarring, especially when she is campaigning on the stump and speaking before a large audience. Her voice makes part of my insides flinch.
I don’t want to hear it for five minutes, let alone think about hearing it for the next four or (gasp!) eight years.
Harris can thank her current standing as the Democratic presidential nominee thanks in large part to Joe Biden’s failing voice, as it may be.
His June 27th debate performance left many Democratic voters (and George Clooney, a great voice, by the way), aghast at what words and sounds (and spittle) were emanating from the President’s mouth.
It was a garbled, slurred, weak, and hoarse mess. The reaction was so immediate, his voice (or lack there of) caused the demise of his campaign and 50-year political career.
What about Donald Trump, Brian? What about his voice?
Dear reader, I hear you.
Donald Trump talks like a well-educated, rich New Yorker with plenty of faux-machismo.
If you notice, it’s not really about what he says (lies upon lies), but how he says it, that voters like.
It was his voice that caught everybody’s attention, and by surprise, back in 2015. I don’t think poor Jeb Bush had ever been in a room with someone who talked to him like Trump did at that first debate.2
No one, at least no one running for President of the United States, ever talked like him before. Trump would later classify some of his more infamous words as “locker room talk.”
It was similar to listening to your somewhat conspiracy-crazed uncle, who is only invited over on holidays, with the hopes he won’t say something stupid, like insulting your sister-in-law. Even if she is “a nasty, nasty woman.”
Compared to Hillary Clinton’s nagging voce, it maybe wasn’t a surprise folks, especially the deplorables, preferred to listen to Trump’s everyday shit-talk style.
“I’ve got a great voice. A really great voice. I mean, some people say I’ve got the greatest voice of all time.” You can imagine Donald Trump saying that, right?
If I go back to all the past presidential elections I can remember during my lifetime, I think it’s clear: The best voice always wins.
Ronald Reagan’s suave Hollywood-meets-folksy voice easily defeated the Georgian, peanut farmer, Southern lilt of Jimmy Carter in 1980.
George H.W. Bush’s authoritative, no-nonsense voice clearly inspired more confidence than Michael Dukasis’ whiny, nerdy, nasally tones.
But compared to Bill Clinton’s melodic smooth-saxophone-jazz-southern-charm of a voice, Bush’s cold diction came off less presidential and more like an irritated Grandpa. “Read my lips,” could have easily been, “Get off my lawn!”
Granted the 2000 election was a giant shit show, but looking back now, didn’t George W.’s voice just feel more “human” than Al Gore’s somewhat robotic delivery? But isn’t that what would you expect from the guy who invented the World Wide Web, after all?
Watch: Bush Speaks at Ground Zero
How different would the country’s response to 9/11 been if Al Gore had been the president? Can you imagine Gore visiting New York City, arm draped around an FDNY firefighter, speaking through a bullhorn?
And in 2008, who couldn’t help resist (or dig) the urbane, cool delivery of Barack Obama?
He was an overwhelming winner (365-175 electoral votes) over the gravelly, raspy-voiced John McCain, and his vice president nominee, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, don’t ya know?
Palin, meanwhile, with her voice and accent, became a humorous target of the campaign thanks to Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey, and her dead-on impression.
Which brings us back to 2024, and the question of whose voice will win this November?
While Trump has shown his voice can beat a woman’s, he wasn’t able to talk over Biden’s in 2020.
Maybe all this shows is that instead of wondering how the choice of a vice president nominee will impact the election, it is really just a question of “Voice” president.
Editor’s Note: With his mellisonant voice, Brian has already started an exploratory committee for the 2028 Presidential election.
Gottfried voiced Iago in 1992’s Disney film, Aladdin.
Among some of the insults Trump hurled at Jeb during the campaign included, “total stiff”, “low energy”, “weak”, “embarrassment to his family”, “too soft”, “sad sack”, and “clueless” to name a few. Bush, mind you, was a two-term Governor of Florida.